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Histeria! — The Tale of the Tudors
Artist: → Histeria!
Histeria! — The Tale of the Tudors — lyrics
{Verse 1: Kid Chorus, Elizabeth of York}
Oh listen, ye all to a tale that’s true
When the War of the Roses tore England in two
King Richard III one fateful day
Fought Henry Tudor in a brutal fray
For poor King Richard life grew worse
He lost his kingdom for want of a horse
Henry VII was then made king
To Elizabeth of York he offered his ring
She said
I do! Let’s give it a fling!
{Verse 2: Loud Kiddington & CMB, Girls, World’s Oldest Woman, Pepper Mills}
This union again made England one
The couple was blessed with a healthy son
Young Henry grew up in Catherine’s home
When his father passed on he ascended the throne
Henry VIII took a wife from Spain
Catherine Aragon was her name
She bore him a daughter a cute little one
But to keep the throne he needed a son
Back then, that’s how things were done
For girls, it really wasn’t much fun
{Verse 3: Kid Chorus, Miss Information}
Their rocky marriage couldn’t get worse
But the pope refused to grant a divorce
So Henry started a church of his own
He got his divorce and stayed on the throne
Then Henry VIII wed Anne Boleyn
His former wifey’s handmaiden
Anne gave birth to Elizabeth
But with no male kin, well you do the math!
{Verse 4: Kid Chorus, Charity Bazaar, Boys, Toast}
Poor Anne Boleyn, she lost her head
So once again, King Henry wed
Jane Seymour gave to him a prince
But poor ol’ Jane hasn’t woken up since
So for a while, our Henry grieves
Then he marries Anne of Cleves
Anne came from fine German stock
She had a face that could stop a clock!
{Verse 5: Kid Chorus, Girls, World’s Oldest Woman}
Their marriage was cancelled in less than a year
His fifth wife, Catherine Howard, was dear
But Henry found out that her love was not true
He gave her the axe, what’s a fella to do?
So after five, came wife number six
Catherine Parr is who Henry picks
He promised her he would do her no harm
So six wives proved to be the charm!
{Interlude: Father Time, Loud Kiddington}
We interrupt this song to briefly review the fate of
King Henry VIII’s six wives. So here’s what happened, in
Order, to wives one through six
Divorced, beheaded, died!
Divorced, beheaded, survived!
Once again, that’s…
Divorced, beheaded, died!
Divorced, beheaded, survived!
Thank you. Thank you very much
Now, back to our song!
{Verse 6: Kid Chorus, Froggo}
Henry gained pound right after pound
‘Til he needed machinery to move him around
He weighed about a quarter ton
‘Cause he couldn’t resist a sticky bun
In fifteen-hundred forty-seven
Henry VII went off to heaven
Or maybe for his dirty tricks
To H-E-double hockey sticks!
{Verse 4: Kid Chorus, World’s Oldest Woman, Mary Tudor}
His young son Edward was only ten
When he took the English throne but then
Poor Edward died by age fifteen
His reign was followed by a queen
Jane Grey ruled for just nine days
She lost her head, to coin a phrase!
Mary Tudor was next in line
The British throne is mine, mine, mine!
{Verse 8: Kid Chorus, Joan of Arc & Pepper Mills, World’s Oldest Woman}
Mary had strength, she took no flack
She brought the Catholic church right back!
At forty-two Mary met her death
Then along came queen Elizabeth
She was loved by her people and made England strong
She had a few boyfriends, they didn’t last long
The Elizabethan age was just and fair
But Elizabeth never gave birth to an heir
{Verse 9: Kid Chorus, Boys, Girls, Loud}
And so we sing our last refrain
The end finally came to the Tudor’s reign
Elizabeth died in 1603
The end of the Tudors’ family tree
The end of the Tudors
There can be no disputers
The end of the Tudors’ family tree…
Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop!
Timber!
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